Racism March 20, 2011

I never really knew what it felt like to fit in, to blend in to society, until I came to live here in Taiwan. For once in my life, I look pretty much like everyone else around me. No one stops to stare at me or give me dirty looks as I walk down the street. No one tells me to go back to “my country”. No one tries to make me feel as if I am not worthy of standing on the land where I was born. I finally feel free.

There are no words for how grateful I am that my own children will not know the kind of ignorance and hatred directed towards them as I did growing up in an Irish-Catholic neighborhood in New York. The pain of my childhood and youth reemerged after a long hiatus when I recently viewed a youtube video of a white college student on a racist rant against the Asians in her school. With that video on my mind, I was disturbed to hear Joshua saying disparaging things about an Aboriginal classmate and making generalizations about all Aboriginal people. I realized when I tried to explain why it was not okay to stereotype, that my children really have no idea what it means to be a part of a minority group in society.

Here in Taiwan, they are the majority. If anything, they are the privileged ones. Full Taiwanese blood with an American mother and an ability to speak English, a most coveted ability. They are not made fun of and disparaged- if anything they are stared at with awe and admired. Yes, this is a good thing, but is it too much of a good thing? Will they, without an understanding of what it feels like to be marginalized and discriminated against, become part of the oppressors in society?

I never wanted them to even be exposed to the ugliness that is racism- it hurts me to the core to even recall it for myself, but I feel like I will need to tell them about my past and about my experiences with racism so that they do not escape being oppressed only to become the oppressors.

So it was with a very heavy heart that I began to recount to my children the way I was made to feel like an outsider and made fun of as a child because of my ethnicity, how other people sterotyped me as being a karate-kicking, fried -rice (flied lice) eating, chopstick-using, non-English speaking heathen.

I could see my stories making an impression on their little minds. How much of an impression still remains to be seen. While it’s a conversation that will beed to be ongoing and necessary, I am not looking forward to it and I hope I will be able to find the right balance between honesty and bitterness and help my children to become culturally aware, socially conscious, global citizens.

My Little Romeo March 20, 2011

The differences in my two boys always amazes me. While Ethan is thinking of schemes to get girls to stay away from him (like not brushing his teeth in the morning and breathing his stinky breath on them, or purposely being really annoying), Joshua came home one day and said that he has a “girlfriend” and that he wanted to give her a gift. Together, we decided to give her a pretty gift box with some nice chocolates, tied with a red ribbon. He was so excited to give it to her the next day, but was so disappointed when he found out that she had gone on vacation to Japan. Ethan was so upset when he found out about what Joshua was doing (it didn’t follow his “Ethan rules”) and it took lots of threats and talking to make him not tease Joshua about it. By the time the girl came back, though, Joshua had lost his nerve and the box of chocolates stayed in his backpack for a couple of months. Finally, though, he thought of a plan to give her the gift without being embarrassed in front of his classmates. One day he woke up really early, got ready and ate breakfast, and was ready to go to school by 7am. He insisted on leaving and it wasn’t until later that I realized why- he wanted to get to the classroom before anyone else so that he could put the gift in the girl’s cubby without anyone seeing him. He did it, and even owned up to it when the teacher asked who had put it there. Afterwards, he was so proud of himself! I hope this means that he will be attentive and romantic when he grows into a man.

Interestingly enough, though, both of my kids when asked what kind of girl they liked, said that they like girls who act like boys. But the girl Joshua likes, while she may act like a boy, is still cute and well-groomed and wears skirts. Ethan said that he does not like girls who smell too nice or look too pretty because he says that means they spend all of their time trying to look nice and don’t pay much attention to their schoolwork, so they are probably not very smart. Ethan enjoys being with girls who he shares interests with. I think Joshua would like a girl who he can show off for and who would stroke his ego and admire him. I can’t wait to see if my prediction comes true!

Proud Mama March 20, 2011

Twice a year, the playgroup that some friends and I started when Ethan was only 18 months old hosts a rummage sale with proceeds going to charity. When the rummage sale first started, Ethan was a toddler and I couldn’t even have him with me while I was manning the tables. Slowly but surely, he grew and started to be more and more a part of the sale, even if it meant that he ran around with his friends while I helped sort donations of second hand clothes and toys. But as my involvement lessened, Ethan and Joshua’s has grown steadily. The first time they were given an actual job was the year one of the moms suggested that the kids run a lemonade stand to help raise more money. Ethan was on staff that first year and for every lemonade stand to come. I vividly remember the moms of the older children asking them to add up prices and make change and me thinking to myself, “He can’t even count to 20 for god’s sake!” Well, that was several years ago, and at this latest rummage sale, Ethan was one of the stand managers. He not only added up prices and made change, he stayed at the stand from start to finish without complaining, helped out the younger kids, made rounds around the rummage sale yelling out advertisements for the lemonade stand and walked around at the end selling trays of the last pastries at reduced prices. He took his job so seriously, worked hard, and was creative and assertive in his advertising. And did I mention he made change? That was a proud, proud day for me…